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It is with a heavy heart that we must inform you that it's time for another cursed old-timey vagina patent. Meet your new worst enemy: the Galvanic Uterine Supporter patented by Orris E. Herrick in 1879.

The good news is, despite the aesthetic, this is not some sort of metal chastity belt. The bad news is, it's much smaller than that and goes inside your vagina. Yep, screws and all. The further piece of bad news is, for those of you who are unfamiliar with 19th century scientific language, is that "galvanic" means electric. Those little dangly bits are wires, for electrifying the gadget while it's inside you.

You are probably wondering, at this point, why on earth you would want to electrocute your vagina and cervix. First of all, electrocuting body parts was very fashionable in the 19th century. They were very excited by the new technology, and thought it had healing qualities.

Orris Herrick believed that his Galvanic Uterine Support would simultaneously treat prolapse, while the electrical zaps would heal any ulceration or abnormal discharge (there is no evidence that this would work).

Now, you're probably worrying that wearing an electric ring up your cooter might interfere with your lifestyle of daily douching. All right then, you probably aren't, because you shouldn't be douching. But Orris Herrick was concerned about this. So he made thoroughly sure that you could douche without removing the gizmo: "As there is no cup attached to catch the secretions from the womb, the vagina can be daily washed with a syringe without removing the instrument."

As with many of the cursed patents we've shown you, you can rest easy at night knowing that there are no records of this thing ever having gone into production. And that the patent is long expired, so nobody's likely to make one as they won't make any money off it.

Mina

@vagina_museum

Men just love to help women with problems no female ever had.